UNDERSTANDING FORGIVNESS-WHAT HAPPENS TO US IF WE DONT FORGIVE OTHERS

[amit]

The act of self-forgiveness changes the energy and physical
structures of your cells, and of your DNA. Guilt is a very powerful
and deadening emotion. Guilt in itself can, as it were, close down
the energy systems of your body, and thereby lessen, and in extreme
cases, cut off the flow of Divine Energy and Love to the body
entirely. Because each and every one of your cells has consciousness,
they too can carry the essence and energy of guilt within them that
makes their energy denser.

With this denser energy that flows throughout the body and in the
nuclei of the cells themselves, the illnesses that you have worked
upon in your striving towards spiritual growth and enlightenment,
leave a residue. Although to you, they have been cured. This residue
that is held in the body through lack of self-forgiveness, acts like
a blueprint for the creation of the same or similar illnesses. It is,
however, possible that this blueprint of denser energy can migrate
from one part of the body to another.

This is how it works. You follow a spiritual discipline and you
choose to work consciously upon one are of growth or another, or even
on a particular illness, or on forgiving a particular person. You do
the energy work, and what you see as the forgiveness work, but in
doing so, you concentrate more on releasing the other and forgiving
the other without really working on the real issue of forgiving
yourself. Many of you are doing this half heartedly because the part
of you that is now spiritually aware, condemns the other parts for
having been so wrong and for having wasted so much time. I cannot
express the importance of self- forgiveness enough, for self
forgiveness and self acceptance are the keys to surviving the
upheavals of a turbulent world. Forgiveness of the self and
acceptance of the self have a direct positive influence upon the
functioning of the immune system.

Many assume that the act of self-forgiveness to improve your health
causes a conflict of motives. They assume that they will only forgive
for the reason of improving their own health. However, I say to you,
that the act of forgiveness itself, and I speak especially of self-
forgiveness, will bring you more in contact with the light of your
soul, where there is no conflict of motives. The very fabric of the
Universe is love and light, and in order that love and light may flow
to the places where love and light cannot, the flow must be opened to
even more flow. Forgiveness is one of the universal qualities of
grace that helps to unblock and allow love and light to flow. The act
of self forgiveness and the process that you go through on physical,
emotional and mental levels will teach you much about the workings of
the human psyche. Therefore, it will enable and empower you to
embrace others with compassion and true forgiveness. True forgiveness
can only come from a guiltless heart, from a soul that has truly
forgiven itself and is in the full light of self acceptance. So what
is forgiveness? How can we learn to forgive and what is the process
behind forgiveness? Many of you are afraid to begin the process of
forgiveness because your motives seem unclear, and then you feel that
you are not really forgiving. Forgiveness is choosing to change a
thought, belief and an emotion with respect to other people and
situations. As everything in the Universe is energy, forgiveness is
also a process of transforming energy. Forgiveness is a choice as is
not forgiving. When there is someone in your life that you think you
cannot forgive, then the energy of that person and situation remains
within your aura. This means quite simply, that forgiveness is like
any other process of self-healing. For forgiveness in itself is a
process of untangling those parts of the mental and the emotional
bodies that are tangled up in the denser energies that the situation
with the other person carries. In addition to this, there are lines
of energy that exists between you and every other person you have
ever had an exchange with, no matter how trivial these exchanges may
have seemed. In essence, your aura carries with it energetic memory
and this is what triggers intuition, déjà vu and sometimes warning
bells.

So when you find it impossible to forgive another, you remain
energetically connected to that person. Therefore, you are allowing
the pain, the abuse and the trauma to remain with you. This, my
dears, is a choice. Forgiveness is not something that you can or
cannot do. It is simply a matter of choosing to change your thoughts,
beliefs and ideas about a given situation or person in your life.

Forgiveness is the most important aspect of your spiritual growth,
and it is the forgiveness of the self that hands you the key to the
light of your soul. When you go to see a healer, or doctor you are in
essence taking part in the practice of self- forgiveness. This is so,
because the active healing releases energies that had been solidified
within your aura and the healing takes place based upon either a
conscious or subconscious decision to forgive yourself or another.

All is energy in the Universe, so free yourself from the question of
motivation when it comes to forgiveness. Many of you who have been on
a path of spiritual growth for some time, see the benefits of
bringing more light into your aura and don't question your motives
for working consciously on your aura as energy. So why question
working on yet another aspect of the Universe that is also energy? It
is your intention to live in more light that counts. The Guides and
Spiritual Masters do not look at all the misconceptions of the
personality; we experience the intent of the soul.

In essence beloved ones, by not forgiving another, or by not allowing
their energy to leave you, you are allowing the pain and the abuse to
continue. It is as simple as that. So the only decision that you have
to make regarding forgiveness is this: Am I willing to let go of the
pain and abuse, or will I allow this person or situation to persecute
me for the rest of this life?

Additionally, the act of forgiveness also allows the other person to
move on, be they still in your environment, another city or town, or
even in another dimension. When you change the energy pattern that
this person or event has stimulated you to create in your aura, then
you also let go of this person on an energetic level. Until the
moment you are able to forgive and release a person from guilt, or
from the responsibility for your pain, this person remains
energetically aligned with you at one or more levels. Forgiveness
creates harmony in the Universe because you are handing the other
person a passport to more freedom and joy. In doing so you are buying
for yourself a first class ticket on a journey to paradise.

In essence, if you have been raped, physically or sexually abused, or
verbally denigrated by a parent, teacher or other authority figure,
you are still living as the raped, the abused and the denigrated by
not forgiving and letting go of these people and situations. You can
choose to live your life with another identity if you so wish. This
is a choice.

Many of you believe that you have to in some way greet the person or
meet them on a physical level in order to truly forgive them. This is
not so. Their higher self also allows them to be in the situation
where they become the abuser for the purpose of their own spiritual
growth. Although it may be difficult for you to accept, your abuser
truly does have a Higher Self and a Soul that loves you. This Higher
Self is aware of your non-forgiveness and of your forgiveness. It
will assist the personality to grow as a response to the energetic
changes you will make in the process of forgiveness. So, although you
may never see someone again, they will know on a deeper level that
you have released them to grow and to move on. It is also true of
those people in your life who you are yet to truly forgive, and who
are no longer focused within physical reality. These souls who have
passed on to other worlds and dimensions can often become more
sensitive on a conscious level of your lack of forgiveness towards
them. One of the greatest gifts that you can give someone who abused
you whilst physically present on Earth is to release them with joy
and with forgiveness. This allows them to move further in their
growth.

Realize, beloved ones, that the world is a stage and that YOU chose
all the actors, and the scenes, also of your childhood before you
arrived. You, together with the Souls of your abusers and tormentors
wrote the script together. It is up to you whether you allow the soap
opera to be repeated time and time and time again.

For many people forgiveness is one of the hardest steps of all in our
progress toward freedom of spirit. Yet it is essential. For as long
as we are unable to forgive, we keep ourselves chained to the
unforgiven. We give them rent-free space in our minds, emotional
shackles on our hearts, and the right to torment us in the small
hours of the night. When it is time to move on, but still too hard,
try some or all of these steps. (Note that these steps are
appropriate for events resulting from an ongoing adult relationship
with anyone. They may not all be appropriate for the random act of
violence from a stranger, nor for someone who was abused as a child
or while in some other position of true helplessness.)

1. Understand that forgiving does not mean giving permission for the
behavior to be repeated. It does not mean saying that what was done
was acceptable. Forgiveness is needed for behaviors that were not
acceptable and that you should not allow to be repeated.

2. Recognize who is being hurt by your non-forgiveness. Does the
other person burn with your anger, feel the knot in your stomach,
experience the cycling and recycling of your thoughts as you re-
experience the events in your mind? Do they stay awake as you
rehearse in your mind what you would like to say or do to 'punish'
them? No, the pain is all yours.

3. Do not require to know 'why' as a prerequisite to forgiveness.
Knowing why the behavior happened is unlikely to lessen the pain,
because the pain came at a time when you did not know why.
Occasionally there are times when knowing why makes forgiveness
unncessary, but they are rare. Don't count on it and don't count on
even the perpetrator knowing why.

4. Make a list of what you need to forgive. What was actually done
that caused your pain? Not what you felt, what was done.

5. Acknowledge your part. Were you honest about your hurt or did you
hide the fact that the behavior hurt you? Did you seek peace by
reassuring the perpetrator that it was all right? Did you stay when
you could or should have left? If so, then you, too, have some
responsibility. (Here you start to move away from being a victim.)

6. Make a list of what you gained from the relationship, whatever
form of relationship it was. Looking back you may be focusing on the
negatives, the hurts. Yet if they were repeated, you must have stayed
to allow the repetition. You did not remove yourself. Why? There must
have been some positives if you chose to stay around. What were they?

7. Write a letter to the person (no need to mail it). Acknowledge
what you gained from the relationship, and express forgiveness for
the hurts. Allow yourself to express all your feelings fully. Do not
focus only on the hurts.

8. Create a ceremony in which you get rid of your lists and the
letter, so symbolizing the ending of the link between you. You may
choose to visualize placing them on a raft and watching it drift
gently away down a river. You may prefer to burn them and scatter the
ashes. You may invent some other form of ritualized separation.

9. Visualize the person you are forgiving being blessed by your
forgiveness and, as a result, being freed from continuing the
behavior that hurt you.

10. Now that you have freed yourself from the painful links and
released the pain, feel yourself growing lighter and more joyous. Now
you are free to move on with your life without that burden of
bitterness. Do not look back in anger.

Exercise in forgiveness

Take a deep breath into the lower belly and breathe out again as if
you are letting go of all your daily cares and worries. Do this
several times. Begin also to breathe into the upper chest and imagine
for yourself that the back of your neck is opening, creating a tunnel
through which energies can flow up through your body into the cosmos
and from the cosmos down through your spine into your legs and feet.
This visualization will assist you in flowing with the energies of
divine and creative essence.

Next visualize a light in the centre of your chest, your Heart
Centre. See this light becoming brighter and brighter as you continue
to breathe into the upper chest. Start opening your heart even
further and allow more and more light to flow in and out of this
centre of divine love. Imagine the most beautiful light that you
possibly can visualize, be it white, gold or any other combination of
colors that you feel express the love within your heart. Continue
with this visualization until you feel that you are centered within
yourself and are at peace with yourself and the world.

Now imagine that you are standing or sitting in the middle of a
triangle that is composed of rods of golden light. See how bright,
shimmering, and radiant that these rods of golden light are. Notice
that these rods are of a higher vibration than you normally
experience, and feel the energy that they are transmitting to you as
you sit or stand in the middle of this triangle.

Now visualize for yourself that rods of golden energy are coming out
of your heart, and are attaching themselves to each of the points of
the triangle. You are now one with the triangle. Place at one of the
points of the triangle the image of someone that you love very
dearly, and send them your wishes of love and peace, and feel how
this love reverberates around the triangle, and feel how every
particle of light within the triangle and yourself begins to resonate
with this love. In another point of the triangle place the image of
someone or something that you hold very dear to yourself. This can be
a favorite pet, your guide, the image of an angel, or your favorite
landscape. Use your imagination. And allow the same resonance of love
to emanate from your heart towards this corner, and feel how the
intensity of the entire triangle is stepped up in vibration.

Finally, place the image of someone that you have not yet forgiven
into the remaining corner of the triangle and feel how the resonance
of love flows automatically towards this person from around the
triangle and from your heart. Concentrate once more on the first two
corners of the triangle and allow the resonance of love to flow
automatically around the triangle, and become this triangle of love.

You may do this exercise as often as you feel is appropriate. The
purpose of this exercise is to raise the vibration of any energy you
are holding in your aura from other people and situations in your
life that you are yet to let go of. This exercise is the beginning of
discovering Mastership, for true Masters transform all energies into
light. Welcome on the path of the Masters.

Forgiving The Self

Forgiveness of self is the most fundamental aspect of spiritual
growth. It cannot be overlooked whilst on the path of ascension out
of the denser energies of fear and guilt that have enveloped this
planet for many millennia. Humanity carries deep within its cells the
vibration and frequency of guilt and shame that is acting as a wall
of doubt between the personality self and the soul self.

This shame originated at the point at which humanity began to
question its own validity and place within the Universe. It
originated at the point in which the intuitive mind asked itself ?
Who Am I ? as illustrated in the Genesis parable. The shame that you
have all felt over millennia has now reached a point of
transformation. It is coming free from the cellular structure and the
aura of humanity. This shame originated from the time that an amnesia
set in, so that the experiment of exercising free will to create love
as co-creating gods could begin

I have said that there are only two true emotions present within your
world, they are love and fear. Love is the only true emotion, and it
forms the building block with which Light and all matter is created.
Fear came into existence when you began to experience separation from
the Light and therefore felt the illusory separation from the source
of Love. As this fear gradually built up over the millennia, and from
incarnation to incarnation, humanity began to back itself into a
corner of fear from where many lashed out in violent acts, as if to
defend themselves from imagined enemies. The true fear has always
been: God doesn't love me, I am alone, abandoned, and I am not worthy.

With these two fears firmly in place, mankind began inventing
external gods to which he had to measure up to, please, or get the
approval of, in order to be counted worthy. This has lead to wars,
violence, a belief in limitation and scarcity, poverty and
hopelessness on the planet. As a result of these beliefs, humanity
has also set about defending itself from the imaginary enemies that
lie within these beliefs. This in turn has lead to acts of great
cruelty, torture and torment that have been wrought against all life
forms, against fellow humans and against Earth herself. The illusion
of separation from the Godhead has created an atmosphere of fear that
is indeed visible to us from the Higher Realms, and has caused
humanity to being lost within a mist, or a veil, of illusion for a
very long period of time.

Now is the time to begin removing these layers of denser energies
that are self generating the fear. You can do this by moving into a
space of self forgiveness. Many of you are carrying layers of shame
and fear within your aura and cells and much of this shame is not
even rationally explicable, even to yourselves, because it has lain
energetically within you with no apparent cause.

The first step in forgiving the self is being willing to let go of
shame. It is being willing to move beyond limitation and fear, and
accepting that, just maybe, God does love and approve of you as a
child of the light. It means being willing to accept your divinity,
and being willing to exercise compassion towards yourself. Once you
have stated your willingness to do these things, and have set your
intention to release all pain, guilt and shame from your being, and
then your soul, supported by the higher forces of light in the
Universe, can go to work assisting you to release all your pain to
the light. However, it is not until you state your intention and your
willingness to release yourself, that the Universe can do anything to
help you. This is a Universe of free will and if it is your choice to
remain in fear, then there is nothing that can be done to alleviate
that. The Universe always empowers those that express deliberate
intent.

From the perspective of the Higher Realms of Light, there is not one
thing that you could have done in this life, or in another, that
would hold the heavenly hosts and your soul back in giving you their
love and light, or that would cause them to judge or condemn you in
any way. You are the only one that is capable of judging yourself, or
of punishing yourself. Un- conditional love begins with the self, as
does forgiveness.

We cannot emphasize enough, how important it will be over the coming
years, to release all guilt and shame from your body, because the
Earth changes that are taking place activate and intensify any
energies that are present. Therefore, if you concentrate on beauty,
peace, abundance and health, then these things will increase.
Likewise, if you concentrate on fear, poverty, danger, and disease,
then these things will increase. The very nature of matter, and the
energies present, upon this planet are changing. With these changes,
the power of your thoughts is also increasing. The energies present
are becoming more fluid and supple, reacting more swiftly to your
thoughts and desires, therefore, your thoughts and feelings are able
to have a greater effect than previously possible. You can choose to
use this power for the greater good of all by focusing on the
goodness in your life.

Exercise in self forgiveness

For the process of self forgiveness, a daily practice of meditation
is recommended, where you can become quiet and will not be disturbed
for at least twenty minutes. Make this time special for yourself,
play your favorite soft and relaxing music, maybe light some candles
or burn some incense. Do whatever it is that helps you to feel
peaceful and centered. As you begin this meditation, state your
intention that you are willing to release all pain, guilt and shame
from your body and energy systems and that you call upon the Forces
of Light in the Universe to assist you in this release work. Close
your eyes, quiet your breathing, and imagine a bright white and
golden light entering your body through the crown of your head.
Gradually bring this light with your breath to every part and cell of
your body and visualize that any dense, grey energies are released
and cleansed by the light.

Finally thank yourself and the light for the transformation that has
taken place.

[Nirmala Gokool]

Thank you Amit. May I print this out for myself?

[Mani kutty]

Amit,
Excellent one.I entirely agree with you.
Top Six Reasons To Forgive
No one can change the past, but you do have the power to upgrade how you feel about it, and that makes all the difference. You can take your power back from all those painful memories, and make peace with your past. Forgiveness heals the guilt and the hurt, and does this quietly, privately, and thoroughly. Forgiveness does not mean that you let anyone off the hook, it means that your present happiness is more important than your past suffering. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful things done to you, it means that you reclaim your right to run your own life.

Right now those hurtful things are running your life, and how is that working for you? The people who hurt you may have ruined your yesterdays, but only you are in charge of your tomorrows. And if you feel guilt over people that you have hurt, forgiving yourself will heal you and allow you to move forward with a happier attitude and a healthier body.

So here are the top six reasons to forgive..

1 You will feel better and laugh more. Resolving all that negative spin from your past allows you to enjoy yourself and have the daily fun you really want. Your buttons will stop being pushed because they will be gone. You see, guilt and hatred resolve nothing, they just sustain the negativity that continues to stop you from reaching your personal and professional goals. Forgiveness, on the other hand, undoes the stickiness that binds you to all those unhappy yesterdays, and this returns your personal energy to your present life, and you get more done. Forgiveness is excellent for improved prosperity and success in every area of your life.

2 You will be healthier. Carrying negativity appears to cause many physical ills. The body and the mind are the same thing. Just as ice and steam are still basically water, your body and your mind are simply different manifestations of your spirit. Relieve your mental stress and your body will be happier too.. Nothing relieves mental stress like forgiveness. Forgiveness heals.

3 People will like you better.You will be a more enjoyable person to be around, and will attract more positive people to your life. Humans are imperfect, and we all make mistakes. One trait of positive people is that they take life less personally, and readily forgive mistakes as they happen. On the other hand, perfectionists are often miserable people, having standards way too high to be reached. Would you settle for mere excellence? Then do so, and your relations with others will improve immediately. Perfectionists are all about judgement, whereas happy people are all about smiles. Sure, there are fights worth fighting, but if you live is one long series of fights with other people, the exhaustion must be terrible for you. Forgive and life improves. It really is that simple.

4 You will stop the constant suffering. Forgive others exactly because what happened was not your fault. Ask yourself: What was done to me? How long ago did all that happen? Are those hurtful people still in my life? Why should I keep suffering for what someone else did? Since it was not my fault, why am I still paying for it? Of course you have suffered way too long and way too much already. And those hurtful people have probably been gone from your life for years. So let the suffering stop right now. Forgive them.

And it may be that complete, one hundred percent may not be possible for you at first, and that is fine. Not to worry, because you can start with a small percentage of forgiveness and work up. How about forgiving them ten percent? Twenty? Eighty? Even five percent forgiveness is an excellent step in the right direction. The more you forgive, the better you will feel.

5 You have punished yourself long enough. Self forgiveness stops the overwhelming feelings of guilt that obstruct your happiness. Ask yourself: What was my crime? How long ago did that happen? Am I still doing stuff like that? If I had been imprisoned for it, would I be out by now? You have likely already punished yourself way too much, and it is time to grant yourself a full pardon. Forgive does not mean forget, it means accepting responsibility, and moving on with your life in positive ways, having learned your lessons. You can stop spinning over how you used to be and get on with creating the good life you have always deserved. So forgive yourself. Today. Right now. Since you cannot undo what you did, you must do the next best thing, and that is to face what happened, and then let the blame go.

6 No one needs to know. Forgiveness happens privately, between you and God, or between you and your higher self. You do not need to call anyone up or write any letters. Forgiveness is an internal healing, and it is all about you. Other people will have to forgive themselves for what they did. Your concern is you. You evolve all the time anyway, so why not evolve for the better?

And here is how do forgiveness. As you remember past events and the people involved, feel forgiveness flow from your heart out to them and back to yourself. Visualize what happened and who was there, forgiving everything and everyone involved. If you are not particularly visual, that is not a problem at all, since you can just sense and feel what happened, and process from there. Sensing and feeling work just as well as visualizing.

If anger arises when you think of some people, then in the privacy of your own thoughts, confront them. Tell them how you feel about what happened, and spend all of that anger you feel toward them. Tell them all the things you would never say to their face, but need to express. And then forgive them.

You may need to feel forgiven by your higher power. Please know that God forgives you the first time you ask, so only ask once. If you have to ask twice, then it is you who is not forgiving you. Forgive yourself fully knowing that God never needs to be asked twice.

Hypnosis allows the process to work more quickly and thoroughly, and in my years of seeing clients, I have seen the power of forgiveness help people get the changes they seek. My CD "The Forgiveness Pyramid" may be useful for you, and information on that is on my website.




Author's Bio
Michelle Beaudry, board certified hypnotist near Orlando, Florida, takes clients in person and by phone from all over the world. Email [e-mail]

[amit]

yes u can print and keep in ur heart.

Nirmala Gokool said:

Thank you Amit. May I print this out for myself?

[deZengo]

Great Information! It's funny how the universe provides the information when we are ready to hear it. ;-) What feels like a lifetime ago I began exploring my own need to forgive others & myself and then to pick myself up and try again. A wise woman (my mom) told me the only true failure is quitting and that feels about right. So while I am still alive and which each breath is an opportunity to further knowledge and open my heart & doors to other adventures!

I did not want to distract from the message, only offer one woman's attempt to create the peace without having the map. Now, I have realized that the internet allows us to connect and share so that we all might heal. I have considered re-writing it at some point or taking it down all together. It no longer helps me - for I feel free of those shackles! Maybe it can help someone else?

It will be three years in Feb that I sent out a message in a bottle.
A Letter of Forgiveness

[Tayira]

Forgiveness: The Power That Heals


S

ome years ago during a visit to Yellowstone Park, one writer observed that the only animal that the grizzly bear would share his food with was a skunk.

It wasn't that the grizzly wanted to share his food but rather that he chose to. With one swing of his powerful paw he could have crushed the skunk.


Because he knew the high cost to getting even.











Clever bear! Undoubtedly he learned the hard way. Strange that we humans often aren't as smart. Sometimes we carry grudges for years, often repressing them from conscious memory, and end up hurting ourselves more than the ones we would like to get even with. We fail to see how damaging an unforgiving spirit is.

Physicians and counselors alike attest to the damage done by failing to forgive. Some medical doctors estimate that the majority of illnesses they treat are related to emotional problems such as resentment which is a lack of forgiveness. And counselors see the roots of bitterness reflected in depression, anxiety, and destroyed relationships.

I read one report of an astonished patient who was told by his doctor: "If you don't cut out your resentments, I may have to cut out a part of your intestinal tract."

Fortunately, the man took the doctor's advice. He had been nursing a bitter grudge against a former business partner. He went to see this man, resolved their differences, and forgave him. When he returned to the doctor, his physical condition had cleared up.

Not to forgive is to be
imprisoned by the past.

That advice isn't new of course. The greatest physician who ever lived, Jesus Christ, pointed out 2,000 years ago the importance of forgiveness. When he encouraged us to "forgive seventy-seven times," he was thinking of our emotional and physical well-being as much as our spiritual. In his book, None of These Diseases, Dr. S. I. McMillen reported that a forgiving spirit could save us from "ulcerative colitis, toxic goiters, high blood pressure, and scores of other diseases" including ulcers, asthma, arthritis, neuro-dermatitis, and heart ailments—all possible effects of resentment.

Some time ago in an article in Time1 inspired by Pope John Paul's forgiveness of his would-be assassin, Mehmet Ali Agca, journalist Lance Morrow wrote, "The psychological case for forgiveness is overwhelmingly persuasive. Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.

"Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another's control. If one does not forgive, then one is controlled by the other's initiatives and is locked into a sequence of act and response, of outrage and revenge, tit for tat, escalating always. The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past."

But to forgive is to be free from the past.

Jesus Christ pointed out another disturbing truth about an unforgiving spirit when he said "If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”2

I believe what Christ meant was that an unforgiving spirit on my part is a sure sign that I haven't truly shown remorse to God for all my failures nor experienced fully his forgiveness.
Furthermore, an unforgiving attitude is destructive to personal relationships. It goes without saying that many close relationships, especially marriage relationships, are destroyed not so much by what has been done but by what hasn't been done—forgiving one another.

Wherever I fail to forgive another, a wall of resentment builds up between us and eventually we become estranged. But once I forgive, feelings of love can be restored if that is appropriate. I say "if that is appropriate" because there are times, such as in cases of abuse or a lack of repentance, when forgiveness should not lead to restoration of the relationship.

However, forgiveness needs to be genuine and not just a religious or sentimental act because it is "the right thing to do." If our forgiveness isn't genuine, resentment will poke its ugly head out at the most unexpected times—like when a couple get into an argument, they start dragging up events from the past that they still feel resentful about. Obviously those things haven't been forgiven. Forgiveness may not forget the past but it can bury it.

Forgiveness can be very difficult if we have been hurt deeply but how do we forgive someone when he doesn't even feel he has wronged us?

According to one author, Susan Jacoby, we can't. She feels that "real forgiveness cannot take place without an acknowledgment of wrongdoing on the part of the person who is chiefly responsible for causing pain."3

If this is so, some of us are going to carry grudges for a long, long time. True, when a person acknowledges his wrongdoing, that certainly makes forgiveness easier. But when he doesn't, which is often the case, forgiveness becomes a choice. We can choose to forgive or not to forgive.

How do we forgive someone when he
doesn't even feel he has wronged us?

We need to realize, however, that forgiveness is essential perhaps not so much for the wrong that has happened to us, but because of our resentment towards the one who has wronged us. Lack of forgiveness is caused by this resentment—a mixture of hurt and anger. Therefore, to forgive genuinely, one needs to face and deal with his hurt and anger.

To resolve our hurt and anger, we need to be totally honest and admit exactly how we feel. Then we need to get these feelings off our chest-not by lashing out and hurting the other person, but by "speaking the truth in love,"4 or by writing out our feelings until they are completely dissipated.

To forgive another, however, is not to ignore justice. Pope John Paul forgave his would-be-assassin, but the man stayed in prison, and rightly so. And where we want others to forgive us, if we are genuine, we will want to do all in our power to make a just restitution.

When God forgives us, he does so on the basis of both his justice and his love. His justice required a just sentence and confirmed death as the penalty or price of man's sin. But his love paid that price when he gave his Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross in our place as the just retribution for our sins and wrongs. Therefore, God can freely forgive us and not in any way violate his divine justice.

The important thing is that we respond to God's love and forgiveness by acknowledging our sin and wrongdoing and accepting his free pardon. And then, in appreciation to God for his forgiveness of us, let us freely forgive other as we ourselves have been so freely forgiven.5

Forgiveness frees and heals the forgiver. Have you been freed?
Richard Innes